Right, so it seems as though the universe knows just how stubborn and hardheaded I am. Today I was somewhat aggressively encouraged to leave my home. It wasn't with forceful use of the physical body, but more along the lines of living in Arizona without air conditioning. It really isn't that bad since we decided to spend our money else where and not paying the electricity bill… and well falling into an unproductive level of comfort and illusion. It is sometimes hard to remember that we are all a part of this current state of affairs and well really everyone is in a hard place at the moment. Money can come easy, but just like everything else in this world it comes though balance and hard work. So I have now realized that in order to receive what I have been asking for, I too must do my part and uphold my word. Somewhere along the lines I have gotten lost and given up my power. I know I am capable of great things and I have been doing some of the work, but like most things in my life I have neglected some very important aspects of the physical realm. Simple things like, the quality of my food and what I choose to nourish my body. It has been disregarded for too long. My mind as been left to wonder on its own with no resonance with the map and really just "tra la la 'ing" about. I really do well with a routine and a clear sense of direction but at the same time there still remains a fiery little rebel within me. When the world presents me with an outlet it just goes unanswered like a bill collectors phone call. Simply because I don't want to deal with it. Just like being a child who keeps insisting "if I can't see you, you can't see me" well word to the wise the universe really doesn't work this way. Nothing disappears without living up to its true purpose. I have been presented with a line of action, the forces of the cosmos conspire and accumulate their momentum whether or not we choose to adhere to its demands it on us. Don't misunderstand this most important aspect, the flow never stops, but we as consciousness hinder its growth and create obstacles so that we just don't "see" what we are up against.
I have spent the past several months in a defiance denial, wasting away my brain cells with copious amounts of T.V. and junk food. The time has come for change, actually it has come and gone. How do I know? Oh I dunno, maybe the the collectors that call everyday from about 6am to 8pm… The past due academic papers and other piling up assignments… the pudginess complacently chillin around my core… It might even be safe to use the analogy of my power being out. Everything in our apartments and homes are meant to insure a level of comfort, the air conditioning is most convenient when it is over 100 degrees in September. So to reinforce my jumbled thoughts from above, the heat never stops accumulating and when all the preexisting conditions fail to sustain harmony… things happen anyway. I know, totally built up huh? Theres really not that much to it, life goes on, it always will. What the hell are we doing? what the hell am I doing? and why does it always take me this long to realize what is happening… I mean seriously, the power was out for a full 40 min this afternoon before I even noticed. I was still so caught up in my own little world to care… until it was made so abundantly clear that something had to be done.
I know I could have been studying and completing all these over due assignments that I have mentioned but there is an even more important level of understanding left from today. I am an adult now, as much as I wished for this as a child I never really knew what I wanted… or did I? I don't know. But what I do know now, is that I have to do something. Many things actually, but most importantly I must restore balance in my own life. I have already begun the purging process, it was just way more intense and intricate than I have previously thought. At least I have reached this level of self annoyance, and understanding of my reality. It feels good to be writing though, I will be exercising these muscles more effectively from now on.
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